The Biggest Problem With Loneliness and How You Can Fix It

No one would ever say that throughout their lives, there wasn't any point of time when they feel like out of place like their presence wasn't needed or worst; they are outcasted and rejected.

Whether we are at our workplace or with friends or family, feeling like a "Lamppost" or a defective product may happen. It doesn't only occur to single parents, the elderly, or someone who is purely an introvert.

Loneliness has nothing to do with being alone. It is the feeling of not able to connect with anyone at all, and that feeling is horribly painful to live with - it can even cause death (talk about being bored to death!).

Below, I'll share how we can deal with this situation (also known as Social Isolation) in the best way possible. 
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Also, read until the end to find out how you can start being a part of a growing social development organisation that aims to help people from our community with regards to their physical, emotional, and social well-being. Basically, we help transform and improve people's lives.

Loneliness Can Cause More Than Just Mental Issues
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Scientists have long known that loneliness is emotionally painful and can lead to psychiatric disorders like depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, and even hallucinatory delirium. But only recently have they recognized how destructive it is to the body. In 2015, researchers at UCLA discovered that social isolation triggers cellular changes that result in chronic inflammation, predisposing the lonely to severe physical conditions like heart disease, stroke, metastatic cancer, and Alzheimer's disease. One 2015 analysis, which pooled data from 70 studies following 3.4 million people over seven years, found that lonely individuals had a 26% higher risk of dying. This figure rose to 32% if they lived alone. - Extract from Millenials And The Loneliness Epidemic 

I've always known that what we feel and what goes on in our minds would probably affect our physical body.

Prolonged stress could weaken our immune system, and it is evident from my past experiences as whenever I am going through too much stress, I get some signs of flu.

The point is, we must look at our overall health from a holistic perspective.
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What We Can Do To Avoid or To Overcome Loneliness

Realization - Figure out why you are feeling lonely

I felt lonely while growing up as a kid because I knew I was a socially weird boy. I knew people around me were making fun of the way I talk and behave.

So, in the Malay slang, I became the "Bahan" or the center of a joke. I didn't like it at all.

Then, as I grew into my mid-teens, I became interested in Islamic teachings and its values. 

In a way, Islam has taught me how to behave appropriately around people and how to have a more positive outlook in life. 

But, I started to feel lonely when I realized there were not many friends who were willing to be on the same learning journey.

The same thing happened when I got interested in fitness and entrepreneurship too.

The point is, I had to be aware of what I really wanted for myself. Only then, I knew how to find a solution to cope with loneliness.
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Spend time with your family

Like I said before, the situation of each family member in a household is so dynamically different.

One family could be so well-jelled together while another could be broken and torn apart.

But, if we still feel lonely even when we are close with our family members, it could be due to an underlying issue that has kept you from being yourself. (An example would be if you're an extrovert)

However, it is recommended to be there for our family at all times. No matter whether they are close to us or not.

I do my best to bring my family out for a pleasant, delicious lunch at a luxury restaurant from time to time. I do my best to have dinner or meals together with them at home too. My mum likes it when I always make her laugh and listen to her troubles.

These are the few things I do to keep myself and my family from feeling lonely.
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​Don't give up finding the right tribe of people

It can be impossible at first. You might think you're alone and that no one will understand you and be friends with you. That no one will accept you for who you are, but that is not always the case.

I used to think I was the only weird one - The ugly duckling.

Basically, I felt like I was from another planet trying to adapt myself living with humans. (Maybe I am, who knows?)

But, with the help of the internet and a lot of networking events, I managed to find the right people to hang out with, people who will not laugh at my weirdness and dreams, people who actually help me grow and show the path that leads to what I aspire to become.

I really thank God that I was shown the way on how to get over my loneliness.
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Focus On Your Hobby and Passion

​I think what makes a productive and robust community is when a group of people comes together with the same interest and life values.

Of course, it's better to have a hobby or passion that brings positive changes and prosperity into our lives and others around us.

I can't expect my life to change for the better if I am hooked on gambling and drinking, right?

I meant activities like sports, competitive gaming, entrepreneurship, volunteering, studying, teaching, or cooking. 

In some way or another, these activities bring happiness and joy in people's lives, and when that happens, people will start to bond with each other, and thus, they won't feel lonely anymore.

For example, after I served the nation for 2 years as an infantry soldier, my fitness passion became more apparent. So, I started looking for people who like to keep fit.

Then, as time goes by, I had the desire to make more money on the side while finding ways to positively impact the community, which is why I am currently building my own personal development organization.
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Get Married (To the right person)

​I know that marriage will not help fill up the void of loneliness, but if we are married to the right person who could complement us in many ways, we probably won't feel lonely anymore.

That is why, as Muslims, we were told to get married as a way to complete our deen(religion). We are also given guidelines on how to choose our spouse.

In fact, we would significantly contribute to the human ecosystem by building a happy, healthy, and productive family, since the smallest unit of the social ecosystem is the family members found in a household.

Since the group of households found in a region makes up the community, and the group of communities will make up the whole country's population, imagine if each one of the households comprises hardworking, intelligent, selfless people who live their lives with the sole purpose of contributing back to the community? I wonder how the world would be like if that is the case?

Of course, if the reason to get married is that we cannot be at peace if we are alone, then we might not be able to give our best in a marriage.

Marriage requires a 110% effort from both parties. If one of them has a poor perspective of themselves and is totally reliant on the other to feel happy, then the relationship may not go well.

We should see marriage as an exciting option, not just an obligation or a solution to our emotional issues. It should be based on a partnership concept that will help both husband and wife achieve better things in life.

Well, for some people who has a hard time finding the right one (just like me since I've been single for the past 7 years), then we can always find other means to cope with loneliness.

This is just one of the options. Not an obligations, ya!
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Seek Help From Experts (Doesn't have to be a paid expert)

When I had so much pent up negative emotions in me because I hated my job and my life at one point in time, I became desperate for help, ideas, and basically..an escape.

My friends didn't know how to help, and my family members were already busy with their own lives. So, I had to do something before I start to become toxic and depressed.

I was like a hungry polar bear looking for food in the cold weather. I looked through social media and searched through Google like I was researching data for a final year school report. 

I even signed up for a few workshops and seminars and joined short courses, which sum up to thousands of dollars!

It was crazy, but it helps me to create more clarity in my life.

Now, I have a stronger purpose in life, and I could clearly see the path leading towards it. 

I'm mostly positive, even in adverse situations, and I have a group of like-minded and strong-willed friends who will be there with me on this journey.
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Conclusion

Loneliness is a frightening situation to go through. I really hope whoever reads this will eventually find ways to cope with it positively.

Some people try to overcome boredom and loneliness by ways that could destroy their reputation and relationships, damage their health, or even put their lives at risk.

I don't think anyone with a positive mindset would want to be in such a situation.

That is why I'd like to invite anyone, regardless of race or religion, to follow our outdoor events or personal development programs by Al-hilm Corner and MuslimwithMuscles(sg)

We focus on training and empowering people to:

• Be able to improve and manage their personal health so that their job stability will not be affected by poor health
• Be able to improve and manage their mental resilience and emotional well-being so that they would know how to remain calm and make good decisions in stressful conditions.
•  Be able to grow and manage their finances well to not be in debt and have more savings for retirement and their children's expenditure.

Do follow our page at Al-hilm corner and do PM us if you ever feel like supporting us or joining as participants!

Thank you for reading!